Breastfeeding has been back in the spotlight again recently, after a study found that people who had been breastfed for at least 12 months were in education for longer, had a higher IQ and earned about 20% more than the average income level by the time they were 30 years old.
I have really mixed feelings about this, and about all the responses I’ve been reading across various blogs and news reports, because I am still breast feeding my one year old but only fed my son for 2 weeks before moving him on to formula.
I have no regrets about making the decision to stop breast feeding Rhys when I did. It was absolutely the best decision for my family. But, having been successful with breast feeding second time round, I do sometimes wonder if things might have been different with Rhys if I’d known more about it.
So, with the hope that this might help some other mums out there, here is my list of the things I wish I had known about breast feeding before I started.
1) It may be ‘natural’ but it’s not always easy
We’re constantly fed this line that breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. And yes it is, in that our bodies are designed by nature to nourish our children. But this doesn’t mean that breastfeeding will come naturally to us. It also doesn’t mean that it’s an easy thing to do.
I’m sure some women do take to breastfeeding really easily, their babies know instinctively what to do and it all does come naturally to them.
For the rest of us though, it takes a fair bit of fumbling around, trying all manner of feeding positions to get baby to latch on properly. For me personally, it took at least 8 weeks before breastfeeding started to feel quite natural.
2) It can be really painful
Breastfeeding can be a really painful experience, especially at the beginning, with poor latch, cracked nipples and mastitis to contend with. Those issues can all be resolved and you should be able to carry on breastfeeding, but you might find that you’d rather stop than power through the pain which, in my opinion, is absolutely fine.
I’m sure lots of people will disagree with me, but I personally think that if you’re miserable and in pain trying to feed your baby then sometimes it’s better for the whole family if you stop.
Happy mum = happy baby, regardless of how they’re fed.
3) It may always be uncomfortable
I was lucky in that I’ve never had issues with cracked nipples or mastitis, but I did still find breastfeeding painful for quite awhile. Every time Nerys latched on I would tense up for a few seconds until it felt more comfortable. I was sure that she must not be latching on properly, seeing as you’re always told that if it hurts then something must be wrong with the latch. I asked quite a few of the midwives in the hospital and my community midwife and the health visitor when I got home, and they all reassured me that she seemed to be latched on fine and was feeding well.
I still wasn’t sure that everything was ok though, until one particular midwife told me that she fed all three of her children and it was painful every time. Weirdly, this made me feel so much better! Knowing that the pain wasn’t a sign that something was wrong helped me to relax, knowing that Nerys was getting all the food she needed.
Then, after about 8 weeks, I realised that it suddenly wasn’t painful to feed any more. But it was always slightly uncomfortable at the start of each feed, when my milk let down.
4) You end up covered in milk for the first few weeks
I was completely unprepared for this when I started feeding Nerys, but yeah, some babies are messy eaters who like to dribble milk all over you, some babies like to randomly un-latch during a feed causing milk to spray everywhere, some babies will treat you to an extra few hours of sleep one night which, while wonderful, will leave you with an abundance of milk that leaks out all over the bed (I may or may not have experienced all of these things!). Stocking up on muslins is a very good idea!
5) Newborns feed ALL the time (which is actually a good thing!)
One of the biggest reasons I stopped breastfeeding Rhys is that he never seemed full and content. He would feed for ages, then still want a bottle of formula. I don’t remember anyone telling me that it’s normal for babies to want to feed constantly.
When I had Nerys I spend the first night with her at the hospital. She fed pretty much all night long. I started to worry that, once again, I wouldn’t be able to satisfy her hunger. But the next morning when I told the midwife that Nerys had fed non-stop all night, the reply I got was ‘great!’. And I had the same response when I talked to my community midwife about it at home. What a revelation! It’s a good thing for your newborn to feed ALL the time!
Looking into it more, it started to make sense too. The more your baby feeds, the quicker your milk supply is established. It’s a supply and demand system, so your baby places a lot of demand on you in the beginning to make sure the supply is there for them.
6) Every experience is different
I had a very different experience with feeding Nerys than I did with feeding Rhys. And the more people you talk to about it, the more you realise that every experience is different. You really can’t compare your experience with someone else’s and really shouldn’t beat yourself up about it if they make it look easy and you struggle. Or if they happily feed for a year or more and you stop after a few weeks.
7) It makes you extremely thirsty within seconds of baby latching on
Make sure you have a drink within easy reach before you start feeding. Seriously, it’s an overwhelming thirst that comes over you when you start feeding!
8) It’s not the be all and end all of motherhood
Yes, feeding your baby is a huge part of being a new mum. It can be all consuming if you’re having issues with breastfeeding. There are so many emotions involved and so many outside influences and opinions to contend with.
But, when your child is fully grown and you look back on your experience as a parent to that point, I doubt very much that the thing you will focus on will be whether or not you breastfed them. I don’t believe that choosing to give Rhys formula when I did will be the defining moment in my parenting career.
Motherhood is about so much more than how we feed our babies.
9) Babies can still thrive on formula
On that note, I think it’s important for mums to know that babies can still thrive on formula.
Yes, breast milk may be, nutritionally, the best food for our babies. But they can absolutely still thrive on formula.
10) You can still bond with a formula fed baby
One of the big ‘selling points’ of breastfeeding is that it helps you to bond with your new baby. You’re led to believe that you won’t bond as well with your child if you bottle feed.
Well, I call boohockey on that! Maybe you don’t bond in the same way if you bottle feed but you still form just as strong a bond. Nerys and I have had some lovely times quietly nursing, and we bonded differently in that she physically needed me for food and comfort. But I felt just as strong a bond with Rhys when I would feed him his bedtime bottle, leaning over him so he could twirl the hair from my fringe in his little hands. Even now he’ll twirl his hair when he’s getting tired, which makes me think that my presence was what really gave them both security and comfort, not the milk they were fed.
11) Whether to do it or not is a personal choice
It’s so important to remember, but whether you decide to breast feed or formula feed is completely up to you. It can be hard in the face of pressure from health professionals, the media and even family and friends but you have to make the choice that is best for you.
12) It’s shocking how much pressure is put on new mums to do it.
I’m sure a lot of the pressure comes from inside, as we can set our hearts on breastfeeding when we’re pregnant. But there is also a huge amount of pressure from outside sources to breastfeed.
I understand that the NHS promotes breastfeeding, but I find it really bad that this means that NHS staff are basically not allowed to promote any other kind of feeding. When I was struggling to feed Rhys I was chatting with a lovely community midwife about the best course of action.
I’ll always remember her telling me “as a midwife I have to tell you to keep trying with the breastfeeding, but as a Mother I’m telling you to top him up with formula”.
Even now those words make me fill up with emotion.
I will always be grateful to her for giving me a real, human answer. But I’ll also always be frustrated that she was put in the position where she had to separate her answers like that. It worries me that our midwives are put under pressure to encourage mothers to keep on breastfeeding, when it really might not be the best course of action for them.
Which leads me on to my next point.
13) There’s support out there is you want it, but sometimes this can make it worse.
If you’re really keen to keep going with breastfeeding, even if it’s tough, then there is a lot of support available. I spoke to our local breastfeeding consultant when I was still uncertain about how feeding was going with Nerys and was very happy with that service. There are local groups you can go to for support. The community midwife teams and health visitors can offer a lot of support if you need it.
The problem with this, is that sometimes breastfeeding is really tough and what you really need is for someone to tell you it’s ok to stop. Having all the support offered to you can make you feel like all you need to do is persevere and it’ll all work itself out.
Sometimes we don’t have the energy, the strength or the will to ‘persevere’.
Sometimes the stress of trying to breastfeed can edge us away from the normal baby blues and towards depression.
Sometimes the best option for everyone involved is to stop persevering and move onto formula and we need to know that this is ok too.
So, that’s my thoughts on things I wish I had known before starting my breastfeeding journey and things I think might help other mums before they start their journeys.
What do you think? Do you agree or hugely disagree?
What would you add to my list, what do you wish you had known about breastfeeding before you started?
I have four “children” (now 18 – 26 years) and I breast fed them all for between 8 months and a year.
Your article has hit the nail on the head! Every point rings true for me. As I was feeding my first, however I was very purist about it all and despite it being really tough going I battled on.
By the time number 4 was born I was more relaxed, and thought I’d feed her an occasional formula feed to let me have some space/time for the others…. As life would have it however, by the time I tried to introduce a teat she wouldn’t touch it EVER! So she was weaned straight to a cup when the time came!
So they are all wee individuals, and as you say each experience is different. xx
Thank you so much for your comment Sally, it’s good to know that other mums have felt the same way as me! It’s funny isn’t it, how different your children can be. We had trouble getting Nerys to take a bottle too, but she gave in in the end! I would definitely make the effort to introduce a bottle earlier if we have another baby.
Great list, I really think that people need to have more information on what breastfeeding is really like. I think it would make people realise, that like you say, breastfeeding is natural but it really isn’t easy. When I had Boo I had no idea what breastfeeding was actually going to be like and it was a lot of a shock!!
Thanks Jenni, I’m hoping that a few new mums might see this post and maybe have more of an idea of what breastfeeding is really like. It really can be a shock if you don’t know what to expect and think it’ll just come easily.
great post, I also put my first on formula after two weeks, then successfully breastfed my second! Great tips here. I felt so guilty about giving up first time, I still do.
That’s funny how similar our experiences were! It’s really hard to let go of that guilt isn’t it? I just remind myself that it really was the best thing for our family to stop breastfeeding when I did, and Rhys thrived on formula!
These are great tips! I regret not trying to breastfeed my two girls and this is why I am deffintley going to breastfeed next time if I was to have another baby!
http://www.life-as-mum.co.uk
Thanks Beth! I really hope you have a good experience with breastfeeding if you do it with any other babies you might have. I do think the main thing though is to make the choice that’s right for your family, which I’m sure is what you did when you decided to give your daughters formula! x
What a refreshingly honest and supportive post! I struggled desperately with breast feeding and with all the will and support in the world still didn’t manage it. I spent the first 5 months miserably expressing milk every 4 hours and barely feeding and bonding with my tot. Not sure if it was worth our seclusion from one another for him to have BM rather than formula but the pressure is intense.
Thanks for sharing such a lovely post. Hope some struggling mum out there finds it and goes easier on herself!
#MMWBH
Thank you so much for your comment. I only managed 2 weeks of expressing for my son before I decided it was best for us if he went on to formula, so I’m amazed that you managed to do it for 5 months! Does go to show how much pressure is on Mums to give their babies breast milk. I wish there was more support for women to just make the best decision for their families, sometimes we have to factor in our mental and emotional health and not just focus on the kind of milk that our babies are getting. x
This is an issue I feel so strongly about and am frustrated and dismayed that it is out there in the media for all the wrong reasons. I have one child and I breast fed her for 6 months, I was in hospital for 5 days after having her because I had an emergency c-section and I had a lot of support from the midwives at this time, as she would not feed from one side – I was so frustrated and tired and disappointed with myself but with the help of the midwives I kept going. It was definitely not always easy and not as ‘serene’ and ‘calming’ as many of the literature makes out.
But I did love bonding with her during this time, especially middle of the night feeds, when it was just me and her and it was quiet.
I had to give up breast feeding at 6 months as I had to go back to work and couldn’t express enough to keep her going through the day. I felt awful, like I had failed her, there is so much pressure to breast feed for as long as possible, but I knew I just couldn’t.
So even though I breast fed I have complete respect for women who find that they cant, yes breast is best (nutritionally speaking) but I agree with Madeline that you can still bond with your child when you feed formula.
It is just such a shame that women are made to feel bad, useless, etc for formula feeding, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and so I don’t feel it is our place to judge. As long as mummy and baba are happy then I think we should be.
I think your last sentence there says it all. Surely a happy mummy and baba is all that matters?! And all our situations and circumstances are different, who has the right to say what’s best for our family other than us!
I love this post. I only managed three days of BFing my little girl, due to lacking postnatal support (it was literally a case of ‘either make her latch on or give formula or we won’t let you leave hospital’, when she was struggling to latch), and so I’m trying to decide whether to try with my next baby, but your post is really honest and that’s the sort of support we need!
#mummymonday
Maddy, your comment just makes my experience with my son come flooding back. I had to stay in hospital with him for a few days until they were satisfied that he was feeding ok, which just added so much stress to the situation. I understand that the staff are just doing their job and making sure the baby is getting the food it needs, but sometimes this isn’t handled quite right.
I hope you do try again with your next baby, as from my experience it is possible to do it even if it didn’t happen with your first. But you now have that peace of mind that the world won’t end if you do end up formula feeding! I imagine your daughter is doing perfectly well having been given formula! x
I think there’s so much pressure to breastfeed these days it’s really overwhelming. I was really upset with myself when I had to formula feed Amelia. I think youve written some really useful information here though for new mums, those thinking about breastfeeding and those in a bit of a rut with it. Great post! Thanks for linking up #MummyMonday xx
Thanks Alice. The pressure really is overwhelming isn’t it, and it’s such a shame that it can then put a dampener on what should be a happy time in our lives. x
Great list, I agree with it all. There is so much pressure on mum’s – I felt so guilty when I couldn’t continue with it after 5-6 months, I mean, i did well but he was feeding so much that I just couldn’t go on. I put him on formula and he thrived and became such a happy baby! Great post! #mummymonday
Thank you Lisa. I think sometimes, as parents, we feel guilty no matter what we do! Sounds like you made the right decision for you though, despite you feeling guilty, if your son is happy and thriving then surely that’s for the best! x
This is a fab post. I’ve just linked up myself this week writing about breastfeeding from a health professionals view (I’m a dietitian) explaining why we push it BUT I think the presssure is ridiculous and we should be supporting Mums to make a decision that is right for them. It is so hard and you are right they never stop wanting to eat!! xx #mummymondays
Thanks Sarah, I’ve been and had a read of your post and it’s great, really useful to hear from a health professional’s point of view! x
Great post. It’s all about doing what works best for you. Having said that, I can’t believe I was ever not going to. I’m so glad it’s worked out for us, and it’s been such a positive experience and part of our story 🙂
So nice to hear you’ve had a positive experience with breastfeeding! As much as I feel women should know the things I’ve listed above so that they’re more prepared for what it can be like, I suppose I should have added a few more positive things because it can be a wonderful experience! It just does all come down to doing what works best for you, like you said. x
Well, I wasn’t breastfed and I’ve turned out okay… I think…
My first baby is due next week (eeeeeeeeeh!) and I’ve noticed that all the midwives I spoken to have had to cushion their advice the same way: “Officially, the NHS encourages breastfeeding but…” Although I hope to breastfeed, it was very reassuring when one of them told me she hadn’t managed it with any of her own children and sometimes it’s easiest for both mother and baby to accept that and move on.
Haha, my brother was formula fed too and he’s incredibly clever and doing very well for himself! I’m wondering now if your baby has arrived – congratulations if it has! And I’m so pleased that you had a midwife be so open and honest with you, it makes all the difference sometimes. However you decide to feed your baby, as long as you’re both happy that’s all that really matters! x
great post, I love reading about breastfeeding or baby feeding in general as it is so different for everyone and its interesting to see how it actually differs!
thank you for linking up to #mummymonday – Love Gemma – host xo
http://www.sunshineonacloudyday.co.uk
It’s a subject I could happily read about for hours! x
Lovely post! Nobody told me about cluster feeding; I thought there was something terribly wrong for a while.
Thanks for joining in with the #WeekendBlogHop
Thank you! It’s funny isn’t it, the things that you don’t necessarily get told about?! Cluster feeding is so normal, but if you’re not prepared for it it can really feel like your baby must not be getting what they need! x
Hi,
I didn’t bf, now I did try on my first, but I could not get the hang of it and it was stressing me out so I stopped. There was no help whatsoever from my public health nurse, I’m in Ireland by the way. I do see they are making efforts in the last few years to help mothers. But I didnt stress about it second time around & bottle fed baby
It’s strange isn’t it, that there can be so much pressure to breastfeed, but then not enough support to actually do it. I’m so pleased you made the right decision for your family and fed them the way that worked for you. x
Thanks for sharing this – every one rang true for me, but especially number 2. I would read that ‘if it hurts then you’re doing it wrong’ which was something I heard from the midwives as well. My experience was that for the first few weeks at least, it did hurt, every time! And I was lucky not to suffer with any of the usual cracked nipples, mastitis etc. It’s teaching your body how to do something it’s never done before, and for some people that does hurt. But it doesn’t mean that it will necessarily hurt forever – Lansinoh was an absolute lifesaver for me, it’s miracle stuff!
That message of ‘if it hurts then you’re doing it wrong’ can do more harm than good I think. In some cases it’s probably true and the pain is due to a bad latch etc. But in many other cases, like for you and me, breastfeeding is just painful to start with! x
Brilliant article, spot on. The pressure put on you to BF is just way too much, to the point that in our NHS ante natal classes the midwives weren’t even allowed to talk about bottle feeding, which is ridiculous as Mums and Dads need to know their options, all of them! That really annoyed me. I was bottle fed but I chose to breast feed my son and we were lucky as we both ‘got it’ it didn’t take too long for us to get the hang of things, but I was in hospital for a fortnight with help at the touch of a button. Home alone, in the middle of the night, not being able to latch and being tired and frustrated and scared is a different matter entirely. Rant over. Great post, love it xx #BloggerClubUK
Thank you so much for your comment. I find it so shocking that the midwives aren’t allowed to talk about bottle feeding. I understand that they are promoting breastfeeding, but still! At a time when women are at their most vulnerable they just need to be supported, not pressured to do something that might not be the best option for them. x
I think this is a great list, I do wonder if so much pressure is put on new mums that they just break under its weight. After all having a baby for the first time is stress enough and then theres the feeding…. I fed Monkey for 10 weeks but he never seemed full either and then we went away with my Mother in Law how said give him a bottle. I was under pressure again. In the end I did and combination fed until about 5 months (I returned to work at 6 months) it worked well for us. I am not sure what would have happened if I hadnt of given him the bottles as well. I am hoping this time round I will leave the combination feeding until later, although I probably will still do it due to returning to work again at 6 months. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week xx
It’s all so complicated isn’t it, I think of lot of us have those “would things have been different if” thoughts when it comes to breastfeeding (or not breastfeeding). I don’t regret my decision to bottle feed my son though, it really was the best thing for us at that time. x
I really agree with everything on this list. I was lucky that I actually got told most of these things before giving birth which has undoubtedly made my breastfeeding journey easier and less stressful. It’s really not as simple as ‘you were made for this, you’ll both know what to do!’ which I think a lot of people assume it will be. #BloggerClubUK
I’m so pleased you went into it with a bit more knowledge and that it worked out for you! I think Mums are getting more open and honest about how hard breastfeeding can be which is what expectant mothers need to hear so they can be better prepared, and yes, realise that it’s not as simple as ‘you’ll both know what to do’! x